my children have different fathers.
To further add a twist,
We were high school sweethearts in 2000,
broken up in 2002,
accidentally pregnant in 2003,
barely tolerant of each other in the subsequent years,
Christina and Paul 2.0
Christina and Paul 2.0
In those 10ish years we were apart
we obviously dated other people.
has had it's own feelings to figure out.
We co-existed in a strange realm
where we would have been totally OK
with never, ever speaking again
but instead had to see one another
almost every day.
or how much we didn't want to be around one another,
we shared a son and were thus forced
to take somewhat front row seats to each other's lives.
That means he knows a lot about my ex
and I know a lot about his.
That also means he knows
a lot about the uglier sides of my sunny disposition.
And I his.
All new relationships
exist on the suspended belief that
your new guy or girl is pretty awesome
and almost perfect.
The days go on and you begin
to peel away layers,
uncovering this annoying trait
or that cumbersome piece of emotional baggage.
It is tricky business to already kind of know
what you're getting yourself into.
It is trickier business still
when his ex is a part
of an extended circle of friends
Honestly tricky is not even the word.
It is getting to know someone
I already know
all while our skeletons hang everywhere
except in the closet.
I exist in a sort of suspended state
where the past must be forgiven
and mostly forgotten,
with only a few months behind us
no one would be asking me
about marriage and co-habitation.
Lay off folks.
And really the only one who
consistently asks me if we're getting married...
This little man
who has only known us apart
is trying to reconcile
the latest developments.
And truthfully we've tried to
keep it all separate...
Paul and Christina
"Mom & Dad"
Paul & Christina
"Grown-Ups who Hang Out and Kiss and Stuff".
when parents are under the impression
I dunno. Maybe.and there are no guarantees.
It's gritty, dirty, messy business.
Or so my jaded side believes.
lovely love self
believes that relationships
are sweetness and laughter
and wanting to be better
for myself and for him.
not everyone gets a do-over.
I mean if it's gonna be such messy work
I might as well have someone around
that I really, really like.