Gracias Madre

My mom...the total babe.

I look down at my hands and I see her hands.

Long fingers with big knuckles and red nails.

Before they were her hands,

they were my Grandma's hands

and now they are mine.

We are the red lip/nails crew.  My dad and Gregory are not members.

They are strong hands.

For raising babies and cleaning houses.

For holding on and fighting back.

For doing the "Sign of the Cross"

before 1st days of school,

important job interviews,

and saying goodbye.

Sometimes I let the boys sneak from their bunks

and take refuge in my bed.

I wrap myself around them like a capital "C",

bring them into my nook

and take in their smallness.

Every single time I do that,

I remember what it was like to be the little "C".

To sneak from my bed into hers,

to be wrapped in her,

to take in the smell of her Crest toothpaste.

We're wearing matching pants.

She is the kind of woman

who picks up the pieces when

her 26 year old husband dies.

The one who works 2 jobs

so her little girl can have everything

and a private school education to boot.

When she remarried and had my brother,

we hardly missed a beat,

like my dad and brother

had been waiting in the wings all along.

The Cesena's were written in the stars,

it just took awhile to get there.

She's super pregnant here. And still a babe.

Always my friend

but first my mom,

she is the one who took me to the Clinique counter

for my first make-up lesson

and tried to school me on birth control.

(Sorry mom!)

She grounded me for

a zillion years

and I broke her heart

a thousand times.

Mother/daughter relationships are hard.

Complicated.

For so long I wanted her to leave me to my mistakes

but to pick up the pieces when I was hurting.

It was an awkward dance and it lasted

 a very long time.

But we never stopped talking.

Even when it was through clenched teeth.

We no longer speak rough words

through tight mouths.

Thank you for never giving up on me Mom.

Even when I was heinous

 and selfish

and the bad decisions

just kept on comin'.

Thank you

for teaching me how to be a lioness.

For making birthdays and holidays

 a big deal.

I believe loving Halloween is genetic.

For being a fantastic

wife,

mom,

daughter,

sister,

worker,

friend,

cook,

housekeeper,

team mom,

room mom,

and

(your favorite title)

Grandma.

She started smiling like this the day Lucas was born and hasn't stopped since.

 Thank you for making our house a home

and for loving me in spite of myself.

I still want to be like you when I grow up.