Wednesday, April 17, 2013

You Are Nine

You are tall and lanky.

Eyes the color of chocolate
and permanently tousled hair.

You still crawl into my lap
to watch America's Funniest Home Videos
and your belly laugh
has a domino effect on me.

On Monday you asked if I had heard
about the tragedy in Boston
and then we talked about it.

You said it made you feel confused
and interested and scared
and I didn't know what to say
because it made me feel
all of those things too.

And I didn't have an answer to why
but I wanted you to know that
when terrible things happen
you will always see some good.

There will always be people
who run toward the madness
just so they can help.

There will always be light
and humanity
and for your gentle heart
as with mine
this will offer some peace.

It was our first conversation
about a worldly event
and I found your maturing insight
fascinating and a little sad
because my ability to shield you
lessens more every day.

You lie in bed reading chapter books
and lecture me on the perils of smoking
and I'm mourning the ticking clock
of the little boy years.

Where is my tree climbing
mud slinging rascal?

He's there in your lanky limbs
and broadening shoulders.

He's in your silly jokes
and comforting squeeze
on your little brother's
tantrum throwing shrug.

We have the life I've always wanted for us.

We share a home with your dad and brother
and I tell you all of the time
that I feel happiest
when we are all together.

Feel luckiest
piled on the couch
with my best guys.

The two boys
who handed me the map to joy
and the man
who loves us best.

It is a great life.

A magical life.

And it is all because of you.

I couldn't be me without you.

We couldn't be us.

The story began with you Lucas.

It started with you,
my first mate
and copilot.

You are my north star.

 In the rockiest of waters
you steered us
into the safe harbor.

And before anything else
there was you.

Grandma always said
her wishes
for Uncle Gregory and I
were to have strong roots in who we are
and the wings to fly.

Roots and wings.

Those are my wishes for you too.

My sweet Pan,

This life is frightening and exhilarating
frustrating and joyful.

You will feel and know
all of these things
and because
you are so much like me,
you will feel them deeply.

It is a blessing and curse,
this empathetic spirit of ours,
but it makes
for astounding love and beauty.

Kindred spirits you and I,
forever and ever.

Love that smile baby bird.

Happy nine.



  1. Happy Nine, beautiful boy.
    And you, too, beautiful momma.
    <3 you to the moon.