Friday, April 5, 2013

My Jamester

I knew I was pregnant with you
on a Sunday morning in August.  

Four years to the day
that I had found out 
I was pregnant 
with your brother.

I don't know how or why
but I just did.

We went to the fair that night
and rode all of the rollercoasters
and I ate deep fried oreos.

One of my favorite pictures
of your dad and I
was taken in a photo booth
that same night. 

We are laughing
and you are there too.

Those months were hard months.

You grew in my belly
beneath my broken heart
and tangled breath
and much of those days
are a blur.

But the night you were born
I woke up.


Earlier that week
I had been dismissed 
from the hospital
for false labor,
so that Sunday
I refused to go back
until I knew for certain
that you were really coming.

When I was admitted at 11:30pm
it was too late for an epidural
and so you came into the world
quickly and loudly
at 12:46am on April 7th.

Mine and your screams filling the air
on the same date as Clinton's birthday
at the same hour and minute as your brother
who had also been born at 12:46.

Seven pounds
and seven ounces
on the 7th.


My new lucky charm.

They brought you to me,
placed you in my arms
and the moment our eyes met,
I knew we were meant to be.

Later that morning
Grandma brought Lucas
and we sang you happy birthday
over a candle lit cupcake
and I sat there
on the hospital bed
with both of you on my lap
and we were whole.

You had been
the missing puzzle piece
and I hadn't even known it.


James Maddox,

My curly-haired sweetheart.

Master of make-believe.

Conductor of giant emotions.

You are funny and fiery
and greet me hello
with an enthusiasm
that feeds my heart.

You are sweet voiced and gentle,
tender hearted,
and tempermental.

My sweet boy...

Sometimes at night I creep into
your room
to watch you sleep.

Becoming drunk
on the small hand
that still grips my finger.
The soft breath,
peaceful face
and curled eyelashes
of the one
who brought the sun.

Happy 5th birthday my love.

You are wonderous and amazing
and I don't know how we ever lived
without you.



  1. Beautiful recount my friend. Achingly so. xoxo

  2. This post took my breath away. I collapse in the emotion of it all. Happy birthday to the both of you. <3